[Tuesday, September 20, 2005]

I've been wondering.... why do people are always unsatisfied with their condition; why do people want more, or different things. why someone chooses the path which nobody agrees with. Why is something so perfect could make one bored?

Any idea why? I always thought that its just because those persons doesnt understand theirselves. Or doesn't want to adjust to things. But, there's always something interesting about new things. Something challenging about taking the 'wrong' road. something intriguing about crossing rules and regulations. Isn't ? Yet again, will those feelings stay long? Or they just felt at the beginning and then wore down at the end?

When u have 2 choices:

1. Taking the 'safe way' that u already know for which everybody agrees with and support, the way that will keep u safe for good; or

2. taking the 'wrong way', the new road, the way that u know will provoke everybody to go against it, the mystery that probably would not last long or as good as you thought it would.

What will u choose?


* Posted by 3k4 @ 4:21 PM *

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[Monday, September 12, 2005]

I realized there is some diminishing quality of my posting for the last 2 months. I'm not trying to find any excuse though, but as i look at my life recently many things seems quite make sense to justify it. As i'm now back to my country, staying with my family and re-started my whole life again, so many things need to re-adjust and adapt. Things that i thought would be easy to do apparently take more time to happen. Looks like i still suffer what so called a mentally jetlag here.

Okay one thing i can conclude about my lack of writing is the fact that now i have back to live with my family. Not that i wants to blame them, but their presence somehow has eliminated one thing that had become my life for the last 1.5 year in Wageningen: privacy and solitary. I was busy with lots of activities back then, but i lived my own life freely, with nothing could restraint my thought. I had a lot of solitary time to think about everything, one thing that i don't have here. With family around, there seems always something to do and talk about. So even though i am now physically more relaxed and have more spare time, my mind seems to be more occupied all the time.

Moreover, i have to admit that there is one thing that has occupied my mind since i returned to Indonesia. This one thing seems to take a lot of my sensitivity that made me lost interest in writing stuffs. One thing that made me daydreaming most of the times that i think it should be limited anytime soon. But hey...what can i say; it is not something i can control. If i can control, then it wouldn't reach this stage at all. I don't regret it anyway; it is something that i treasure very much. One experience that i believed would be valuable for my life. Still....it is responsible to reason most of my dissatisfactions and difficulties in accepting my current state of life. Many "if only..." and "i wish..." thoughts lingered because of it. Things that i don't know how long will last and how far will it developed. Just let the wind blows and let's see where this would lead me to....

Sidelines:
Hey you there, do you remember what day is it? One upon a night exactly four years ago everything happened. Unfortunately we couldn't celebrate our fourth anniversary as we're not even passed our third, it's all stopped in 2.5 years. Such a short time to be remembered all the details, and long enough to be part of my life and not to be forgotten.


* Posted by 3k4 @ 1:55 PM *

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[Friday, September 09, 2005]

Just stayed at home and sent some applications via internet really make me totally rest for the whole week, both physically and mentally. But to be quite honest, i think it's enough. Too much rest just not bring any good. It gave too much time to think about stuff. Made me miss more to all the days that had gone, all my friends and past stories. Made me think about lots things that i want to be realized as my future plan, things that must wait since now is not possible to do. Such things that really made me feel helpless sometimes. All of those could be solved once i could get back to some routine activity like getting a job. Hopefully soon enough so i won't be too much getting used to this state of activity.


* Posted by 3k4 @ 5:02 PM *

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[Wednesday, September 07, 2005]

Okay...i'm too lazy to write recently. So here what i do to keep on posting, just copy and paste something that i found somewhere else, things that i feel very much suit with my current situation. And voila....look some interesting text that i just found:

"Giving in doesn't mean you've given up. Actually, it means that you're mature enough to see a solution that works for both of you -- and you're not so filled with pride that you insist on having your own way. Good for you!"
"Take time to toss ideas back and forth -- the obvious choice isn't always the best."
"Take it easy. You're feeling vulnerable and may want to protect yourself from things that you perceive as dangerous. This is a laudable instinct, but remember not to shut things down completely. After all, there are plenty of people out there who care about you, and cutting yourself off from them isn't part of the plan. In fact, someone out there is working overtime on your behalf. You'll like what you see after you emerge from your hidey-hole."


* Posted by 3k4 @ 4:36 AM *

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[Saturday, September 03, 2005]

Now we are together, sitting outside in the sunshine
But soon we'll be apart and soon it'll be night at noon
Now things are fine, the clouds are far away up in the sky
But soon I'll be on a plane and soon you'll feel the cold rain

You promised to stay in touch when we're apart
You promised before i left that you'll always love me.
Time goes by, people cry, everything goes too fast.
Now we have each other enjoying each moment with one another
But soon I'll be miles away and soon the phone will be our only way

You promised we'll never brake up over the telephone
You said our love was stronger than an ocean apart
Time goes by and people lie, everything goes too fast.

Let's not fool ourselves in vain, this far away trip will give us pain
We'll have to be so strong to keep our love from going wrong
Distance will make us cold, even put our love on hold
But soon we'll meet again and soon it'll be bright at noon again

You promised not to loose faith in our love when i'm away
You promised so much to me but now you've left me
We go by and then we lie all this time we wasted
Time goes by, people lie everything goes too fast.
Time went by, and then we died, everything went too fast.

(An Ocean Apart - Julie Delpy, OST Before Sunset)


* Posted by 3k4 @ 3:58 AM *

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