[Sunday, March 27, 2005]

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

(Numb - Linkin Park)

Love this song currently. I am feeling so numb, i hope my short getaway could cure it somehow. I'm going to Amsterdam visiting Tante Juul and directly go to FranKy's at Eindhoven. Friends and hugs therapy usually works ;)


* Posted by 3k4 @ 2:15 PM *

*****

[Saturday, March 26, 2005]

Here i am in my very own room, in the middle of weekend, suppose to be working on my thesis, but i'm working on something else instead. I was correcting my blog all along. I am intended to change the skin but i haven't found the right one yet. So i was making all sort of addition to my friends list and some small improvement here and there. Template can wait for i want to choose something that really suit me.

I don't feel so right today. Not in the mood for working nor playing. I don't know what i want, just wasting some of my time, which is so precious considering the deadline. I am thinking about home *again*, i am looking on my friends' blog. The sadness, the melancholy, everything makes me gloomy even more. Life goes on, people come and go. Life is a journey with full of choices: to leave or to be left behind. I just try to enjoy this very moment, though deep down inside my heart i know that the time will come for me to go or being left alone.


* Posted by 3k4 @ 10:49 PM *

*****

[Friday, March 25, 2005]

I am now working on my way to go home. I've reached the phase when going home is something that I longed the most. I don't know why, I don't know how. All I know I have to go home, meet my family, friends, and all the things I have left behind more than one year ago. Not for a long stay, not for a total come back yet. It would only be a short visit but should be enough to merely fulfill my thirst. This could be the beginning of new journey as well as the end of old chapters. One thing for sure that this is definitely the homecoming, one necessary step for me to move forward.


* Posted by 3k4 @ 6:04 PM *

*****

[Monday, March 14, 2005]

It's a long long journey
Till I know whera I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
And I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you

Sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?

Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feel like everything is out to make me lose control
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you

(Journey - Angela Chang *OST The Dolphin Bay*)

Just heard this song on this new radio station i found. Love it directly. Feels like every word in the lyrics remind me so much of a lot of things. Me, my life, and all the things i had, i lost, and i still have.


* Posted by 3k4 @ 1:39 PM *

*****