[Wednesday, June 30, 2004]

Bersamamu kulewati lebih dari seribu malam
Bersamamu yang ku mau
namun kenyataannya tak sejalan

Tuhan bila masih ku diberi kesempatan
Izinkan aku untuk mencintanya
Namun bila waktuku telah habis dengannya
Biar cinta hidup sekali ini saja

Tak sanggup bila harus jujur
Hidup tanpa hembusan nafasnya

Tuhan bila waktu dapat kuputar kembali
Sekali lagi untuk mencintanya
Namun bila waktuku telah habis dengannya
Biarkan cinta ini...
hidup untuk sekali ini saja.

(Glen Fredly: SEKALI INI SAJA)

A song for someone who likes it very much at the present moment. It's a sad song, indeed it was put as the sadest song ever made at one of Webgaul. Listen to this, i really don't know what to say *speechless*. But to be honest, i don't know if you expect me to say anything at all...


* Posted by 3k4 @ 5:07 AM *

*****

[Tuesday, June 29, 2004]

SHOP 'TILL YOU DROP! That must me the motto of my life recently. Well....blame on the the spare time that provided for me to do some shopping, blame on the summer sale that motivate me even better to do so, and blame on the Stuned that so generous to transfer our allowance a little bit early this month *grin*. I should tell you that i spent money like crazy for the last few days, started since last week. From Wageningen to Hoffddorp, Uthrecht, and Eindhoven at last!

Last week Joice went to Hoffddorp to arrange her return visa, and i was accompanying her to go there. What happened was we both ended up at the city centrum, did some sightseeing and a little shopping. And later we spent a night at Tante Djulia house, which only 2 station far from there. I can say we did only 'a little shopping' there compare to our activities on the following day. We stopped by at Uthrecht on the way back home to Wageningen. And we found that it was sale-sale-and sale everywhere. So we *again* do some shopping here and there. But still it was only 'a little shopping' compare to what we did today! Last night we suddenly decided to go to Eindhoven today, and so we went from morning 'till afternoon. My godness....it's a nice place with a really big centrum and a lot of sale! And there we did what we called "shopaholic", just walking around, sight seeing, and shopping ^_* I can tell that i never spent that amount of money in a day for all my life. But it was fun, and i really feel satisfied with everything, the weather, the place, the stores, and the stuffs......just one fine day for me and Joice.

And another thing that i had been trough for the weekend, it was dinner and dinner! Some of my friends will leave soon and go back to their home country. some are leaving for goods, but some are leaving for only temporary period to do their research or field work. So they held what so-called a farewell party. First was at Gigio place's on Saturday evening to farewell Gogio and Lulu who's going back to Italy and France. Nice party, but unfortunately me and Joice came too early or too on time should i said. The invitation was written at 9 o'clock but we found that guests just arrived at 11 o'clock or so. So we felt quite tired already and decided to go back home instead. But still we had some fun for a moment, especially looking at Gigio and Lulu's faces when they open a gift form Joice. They really looks touched. And we also tried some drink from Spain called Sangria. I tried a little bit, and i didn't like it at all coz though it was made from fruit essence, the vodka made it taste bitter. Hmm....just trying anyway, to filled on my curiousity, didn't mean to get drunk at all ;P

Second was the one on Sunday afternoon at Hala's place. It was meant to be a dinner for our group of European Workshop, in which each should cook their own traditional food. So there we were eating Dendeng Balado from Joice (with a little help by me ;p), Hot pot from Tiehan, and some Arabic food from Hala. Cosmas didn't cook at all by the way, he decided to supply the drinks which include juices and wine. It was a nice dinner, a lot of foods, and fun time together. I really full after had the dinner and barely could move from the couch *hi...hi...hi*.

So in short, it was a great....great time for me. The last 5 days had been the best days i've ever had here. It should be by the way, especially after what i felt when i read 3 surprising news from 3 of my best friends last week. I received an email who told me that they're going to get married this year. Ruri will married at 29-30 June, which is tomorrow; Maggie will married on August; and Yoyi will possibly married as soon as possible before Hilman depart to Netherlands. Gee....what a mixed feeling i have when i heard it. I felt happy for them and wished them all the best. But at the same time i felt pity for myself because i cannot attend any marriage of my best friends, and because i realized that when they starts a new life as result of a long-long journey, i am stucked up here and have to start all over again from a big zero *sigh*. I know that i shouldn't compare my life with any of them and i should be grateful for what i have achieved so far. But still....feeling of a little left behind remains. Soon they will start their new journey together with their soulmate. Just wish i will find mine soon....*amien*


* Posted by 3k4 @ 3:42 AM *

*****

[Thursday, June 24, 2004]

This week realy feel hactic for me. My leaving to Portugal, deadline for final report of European Workshop, meeting with some friends who's going to leave too, and visiting some relatives that i still haven't got a chance to visit since i was coming to Netherlands. Geee....what a busy week. Especially since i don't know yet the exact date for departure. So i feel like in a hurry, being rush here and there, just trying to finish everything as soon as possible because i probably have to leave someday in next week or so.

But this whole thing make me excited though. Finally i can feel my adrenaline to pumped again, i feel live again, and have something to through to.


* Posted by 3k4 @ 10:23 PM *

*****

[Thursday, June 17, 2004]

I think this whole summer time really distract my biological balance. Always go to sleep early in the morning *around 3-4 o'clock* and wake up verrryyy late *around 9-10 o'clock, ehm such a lazy bone* really makes me look mess. I don't look fresh, my skin, my face, my eyes, everything looks tired, meanwhile i felt to have enough rest already for being sleep around 6 hours or so. Of course the time of sleeping does matter, i am still awake when the biological clock said i should be rest, and i have my rest while the biological clock said it's time to wake up. Gee....what a long...long...days.

Now here i am, scribbling on pass midnight just trying to get out anything inside my head. Listening some Indonesia songs from Glenn Fredly, Warna, Rossa and Coklat that i just downloaded from Kiki; alone in my room, in the middle of the night; makes something that should be forgotten seems to reveal again *sigh*. Then let me tell you about something in my days recently.

My weekend was doing pretty good. Started with tour de EDE with Joice that was planned to be done by bike, but then it was changed by bus considering the bad weather. It was fun, nice place, nice stores, nice stuffs, etc. I bought some fruits (Kersen), and flower (Roses), no too much shopping as i thought before. And later in the evening i watched 3 movies (1 anime & 2 disneys movie). I know....it's sounds silly, watching 3 cartoon movies in a row. But hey, i was just trying to 'kill time' there, not to be bored by my spare time and not thinking too much either. So cartoon movies seems a prefect choice *of courseee*.

Next on the following days i have some dinner appointment at Mbak Nike's with Joice and Fitri. Surprisingly Amel was joined as well, which made it better, more people means more fun though. It was a great dinner. Mbak Nike cooked us Nasi Goreng Peuteuy, a very hot and spicy one, then we're having dinner and funny chit-chat about many jokes with Andhika and Mas Yurdi. And after felt full of food and tired of laughing, we're went home. But again some ideas suddenly came up, instead of going home directly we decided to take some pictures around Wageningen campus and city. Can you imagine, nearly at 10 o'clock in the evening (still sunset though), 4 girls act like a model at every spot and shoot a lot of pictures *grin*, sounds silly but it was fun, and i don't mind to do it again. Models from Wageningen in action *sheepishly smile*.

And this week, seems like my everything are getting better. I just got some call from Jacob (he's the man that i called upon my internship application in Portugal), and he said i can go there and doing my internship for 4 months! Wow....wow....wow..... i can hardly believe it. I am going to Portugal next month and will live there until October! I am soo excited. And Joice will come too, coz when i asked Jabob whether i could ask my friend to come along, he said yes! This is cool, we're going there together and having some fun for sure *grin*. Of course there's some task to do regarding to our presence as an interns. But nevermind, we're leaving to Portugal certainly, and it's so close to Spain by the way *wink...wink*

Now what i have to do is preparing my leaving here. Arrange some documents here and there, booking some flights, saving some money to spend later and packing my stuff. Finally i can use the luggage that i bought as a preparation to Prague. God indeed make plans in His own way. But anyway, i don't want to tell anyone yet until i get the ticket on hand. In case anything happen *ermm...just like in the case of Prague*. So...now please do pray for me that everything will go smooth and nothing goes wrong. Then i'll go to Portugal, watching the final round of Eurocup lively, doing my internship, and having my summer vacation there *yaaaayyyy*.


* Posted by 3k4 @ 7:04 AM *

*****

[Saturday, June 12, 2004]

Pheew.....finally i can get back my access to virtual world after almost for a week lost contact with the world. Yes, last week i was complaining for not having enough thing to do, then something wrong was happened with my computer that made it must be reinstalled, and then the virus attacked, and then (again) i couldn't use my internet at all. After several treatment, finally it's fixed today *thanks to Sadath for a lot of efforts and patience in trying to fix it everynight*. Thank God.

Fortunately i was having an excursion in Rotterdam on Tuesday-Wednesday, so it wasn't really matter since i didn't use internet connection for 2 days. The excursion was arranged as a part of program to replace the European Workshop for us who cannot go to Prague because of visa problem. I can say it was fun. The Excursion was great, nice places, nice prople, and nice pictures *of course*. We're taking a lot of pictures, almost 200 pictures in 2 days *hehehehe*, we're such a natural-born model *wink...wink*.

By the way, me and Joice was having a little tour around Wageningen last week. We're riding a bicycle around the town and near the Rhine river, wore our cute hat, took some pictures, and end up with ice cream Gelato *yummy*. Just to do some activities basically, but it's fun though.

Back to my own room without internet connection and anything to do were very stressfull. I am not used to have such a spare time like this. I was busy with working before i got here, and here everything was so fast since i started in the 3rd period. Not to mention the last 4 weeks, which was super hactic with lectures, assignment, groupmeeting, etc because the program was designed for 4 weeks. So now, without anything to do, i feel like a little bit disorientation, totally lost. My room that was my sanctuary as the most cozy place to be, now seems boring. Days seems flies without knowing anything to do next or tomorrow. Gee....i really dont like this kind of life, seems waste, hopeless.....useless.

Tomorrow i'll have another plan with Joice to ride a bicycle to Ede, just moving our body, consider it as a sport, visiting the centrum, and spending some time with activity for sure.


* Posted by 3k4 @ 5:41 AM *

*****

[Saturday, June 05, 2004]

Today i got home from campus with a little bit miserable feeling. The weather seems supporting, cloudy, dark, accomodating my blue moods. In my room i was just doing this and that, confused, disorientation until i finally feel asleep. Maybe it's because i was getting used to get busy for the last few weeks, so when i finally had spare time, i didn't know what else to do?

Today was the last class before they all go to Prague on Monday morning. They explained everything about departure schedule, hostels, trip, money, etc...etc. God, why i felt so miserable to saw them arrange everything? I felt so left behind, to be honest i am envy them for leaving there, i want to join them, learn the same thing and doing the same assignment. So...it's getting revealed now how i had felt all this time were fake. I fake myself, tried to convince my concious that i'd be okay here while they're leaving, which is now proven to be lie. So maybe i have to do something, anything just for being active and get rid off everything from my mind?

Tomorrow i'll go to Enschede, some small city on the western part of Nethelands with 2.5 hours distance by train. I'll go with some Indonesian friends here, to visit some Indonesia friends there. They were here last week, so it's our turn to visit them back. They promise to give us a tour around the centrum, so we can shopping aroung or do whatever we want to. And in the afternoon they will cook us Tongseng, some specialty from one of them. Hhmmm.....wish it would be enough to fill in my mind and fet rid off the whole thing for the time being, at least for weekend, then i'll think of something else to 'kill the time' for the next 2 weeks.


* Posted by 3k4 @ 5:33 AM *

*****

[Wednesday, June 02, 2004]

Huaaa sorry about my previous post, it must be sounds too rude and harsh heh? Well anyway, that the honest feeling i got. Now...i think i feel better, but still not totally well yet. No more furious, but still angry a little bit. No more dissapointed but still irritated a little bit ;p thanks to Fitri and Jo for the afternoon cycling, shopping, and dinner at Hao Yuan, it's definitely help *a little bit*

Okay then let me tell you what i did last weekend. Monday was public holiday, so everybody considered it as a long weekend, and so did i. That's why i planned to go to Massricht and visiting Wulan *a long time promise that haven't been full yet*. Then so be it, i left on Saturday at 8 o'clock in the evening. Felt excited since it was my first time solo journey and that far, about 2.5 hours by train (i usually do travel in group with friends). And everything was running so smooth, arrived at the Heerlen station at nearly 12 o'clock in the evening, picked up by Wulan, and continue to sightseeing of the city and had some coffee at Valkenburg centrum up till 2.30. Then later on Sunday, after driving me around the city again, they prepare me some bbq lunch, a lot of meats, food and stuffs *yummy*. And when i got back on Monday, she even brought me rendang and semur that was made especially for me before her Mom back to Indo a week before. Wow..wow...wow....i really couldn't greaful enough for it.

Wulan indeed a nice person, she treated me really nice, and really made me feel like a family. It was a little bit amazing for me, considering we had never met and just knew each other by email and yahoo messenger before. I feel really lucky to got a chance to meet such a nice people (remember Tante Jong, Oom Cor, and Alexandra?). Her husband also very friendly, and her daughter Aurelie certainly my angel now. Sweet little kid, cheerful, funny, huggable, and everything...if only she's close, bet i would take her anywhere. Hmm....miss her already now...


* Posted by 3k4 @ 3:41 AM *

*****

[Tuesday, June 01, 2004]

God, it was so sucks! Do you remember about the 'cancellation of workshop to Praguue' thing? Yes....apparently the worse thing not yet ended. As a make up for us who cannot go, the have arrange some replacement here in Wageningen and some excursion to Rotterdam for 2 days. And today we just found out the the excursion is not about us at all!!! It was belong to another courses, Bsc. courses, and we just being put there! Such a damn thing!

What make me furious it seems they really don't put our feelings and our mind. They really think we can accept like that to be together with those Bsc. students? Don't mean to underestimate them anyway, but i really don't like the way the did it. They made us think that the excursion would be held especially for us who cannot go to Prague, and would be related to our subject of replacement here. But seems like what i thought wrong. They just want our money to finance them to Prague, and put us here with replacement program with less cost.

And this thing really woke up my concious. Now i know that what it seems to be my 'acceptance' to those Prague things were just unreal. The dissapointment was not vanished as i thought, it was just kept inside, and with little trigger like this it would come out again. Dissapoinment and anger to this whole f*****g institution.

I really need to cycling and release all this negative energy from myself. So think i'll take a ride and do some shopping around if necessary *shopping for the soul ;p*


* Posted by 3k4 @ 11:08 PM *

*****